i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
