I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
