if i can run in heels then i can drive
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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