I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
