he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
