piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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