I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can Purell be used as lube?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize