i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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