haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
