I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
