I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
