3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
