You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
