I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
