Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
