Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Less talking, more tequila
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
