okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
