I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
