She announced her abortion via fbk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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