She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
