member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
