i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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