i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
