This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
