pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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