one word: firstdatebathroomanal
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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