the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
