I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
