I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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