Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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