Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
