even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Boobs speak an international language.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
