Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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