you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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