Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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