Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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