We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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