Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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