i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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