Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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