Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
