Got a toothbrush?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
