Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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