Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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