It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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