he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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