I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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