Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Randomize
