Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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