just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.