this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
