We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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