dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
