jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's blow job season.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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