somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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