Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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