even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
