Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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