Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
