there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
