2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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