I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The Olympian is in my bed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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