Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
