I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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