saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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