we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
