Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
