And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
