she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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