There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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