I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
