When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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