I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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