playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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