What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
handjob tips. give me some.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
